Condoms
by jippy
Summary: Taichi runs into Yamato at a convenience store, who is looking to purchase some . . . uh, items. Being the good friend that he is, Taichi happily offers Yamato his help. [A Taichi/Yamato friendship one-shot, with mentions of Sorato.]


**Author's Note:** This is a Taichi/Yamato friendship fic, and though Sora doesn't appear at all, it's also technically a Sorato. Rated a strong T for mentions of mature content (as the title suggests), but there is no actual mature content. Yamato and Taichi are seventeen.

* * *

**Condoms**

* * *

"Hey, dude, what's up?"

At the sound of a familiar voice, Yamato looked up from the item he was inspecting. Upon seeing a close friend, he felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him – but he made the split decision to be composed about this. _This isn't a big deal._

"Buying condoms, eh?" Taichi asked, looking incredibly amused. Like, _incredibly_.

Yamato couldn't deny it – a box of condoms was in his hand and he was standing in front of a pimped out condom aisle. "Yeah," he answered, as coolly as he could. "What are you here for?" he asked, just to get the topic off of him and the item in his hand.

Taichi tossed the six-pack roll of toilet paper in his hands in the air, just to catch it again. "We're almost out, so Mum sent me here to get more." He smirked. "I know, not as exciting as being sexually active."

"Can you lower your voice?" Yamato asked, looking around to see if anyone had heard him.

Taichi blinked. "Dude, we're literally surrounded by condoms."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "That doesn't mean other people have to know about my business."

Taichi smiled wryly at him. "Are you having trouble? You've been standing here for a _while_, man."

"You've been watching me?" Yamato asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Taichi nodded. "I saw you when I entered about ten minutes ago and thought I'd come say 'Hi', but then I noticed _where_ you were standing. So, I figured, this is personal – and I didn't want to intrude."

". . . But you did anyway," Yamato voiced flatly.

Taichi's grin widened. "But I did anyway." He then looked at the box of condoms in Yamato's hand. "So, what's the deal? Why are you taking so long?"

"I just . . . don't know which one to get," Yamato answered slowly, shrugging. "There's too many to choose from."

"Well . . ." Taichi grinned as he picked up a black box with a well-known bunny insignia on it. "When in doubt, go with Playboy."

Yamato sighed. "I don't think Sora would like that –"

"I don't think Sora's going to care what condoms you buy," Taichi interrupted, with a roll of his eyes. "Just as long as they, you know, fit you – so that she's protected from STDs and sperm and whatever."

Yamato had to admit that Taichi had a point. But he still didn't think Sora would like anything associated with Playboy, and so took the box from Taichi and placed it back on the shelf, along with the other box of condoms he had previously been looking at.

"Speaking of Sora, I'm sure this would've gone _a lot_ faster if she had just bought the condoms herself," Taichi asserted, eyeing Yamato with amusement. "She'd be in and out of here within a minute." Yamato didn't respond, but something about his expression made Taichi's lips curve into a smirk. "She offered, didn't she?" He tried to contain his laughter.

"Yeah," Yamato muttered, a little embarrassed. Sora had told him that she could pick up a box on her way over, but he had insisted that, as the guy, he should be responsible for buying the condoms – at least for their first time.

"She knew you'd be terrible at this," Taichi went on, sniggering. "You really are indecisive, dude. I think you're the only person who actually reads the small print on a box of condoms."

"The small print is _important_," Yamato insisted. "Some of them have spermicide, some don't. Some of them are latex, some are polyurethane. Some of them have a thickness of 0.02 millimetres, some are 0.03 . . ."

Taichi listened to all of this with a tired expression. "You sound like Jou." He cocked an eyebrow. "And I'm no mathematician, but a 0.01 difference between condoms isn't going to make much of a difference, is it? I don't think your dick's that sensitive enough to notice."

". . . Please don't talk about my penis."

Taichi laughed, before changing the subject as requested. "You know, you could've gone to Ai-Mart." He was referring to the convenience store owned by the family of a friend of theirs.

"Yeah, and let Miyako know what I was there to purchase?" Yamato shook his head, astounded at his friend's thought process.

Taichi shrugged his shoulders with a smirk. "I'm just saying that you could've helped out a friend and let her profit from the sale, man."

"She'd go and tell everyone else about it. No way."

Taichi placed a hand on Yamato's shoulder. "Hate to break it to you, dude, but everyone else has already assumed you and Sora are doing it."

Yamato chose to ignore that statement, shrugging Taichi's hand off. "You could've gone to Ai-Mart, too," he pointed out instead. "For toilet paper."

Taichi snorted. "This place is a couple of blocks from my apartment. _You're_ closer to Ai-Mart."

"Whatever."

Taichi sniggered, before clearing his throat. He wanted to bring the subject back to the matter at hand – partly to help Yamato, and partly because he was curious. "So . . . is this for . . . the home run? Or just, like . . . you know, the test run?" He was having trouble saying _oral sex_. He didn't want to imagine Sora on her knees in front of Yamato – _damnit, think different thoughts_.

Yamato was a little hesitant to answer, because he wasn't exactly keen on the idea of being open about this area of his life. He really liked his privacy. But this was also _Taichi_ he was talking to. "It's . . . the actual thing," he conceded.

Taichi nodded his head slowly, forcing himself to get rid of that particular image of Sora. "You'll be fine. It's not a big deal."

"As if you have any experience with this," Yamato told him dubiously.

"How do you know that I haven't? I could've hooked up with a girl and just _not_ told you."

"Bullshit. I'm the _first_ person you'd have bragged to."

Taichi chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. I haven't done shit." He levelled Yamato with an amused gaze. "But if I _had_ a girlfriend and _was_ about to purchase condoms for sex, I know I'd be _a lot_ quicker about it than you have been."

Yamato sighed. He didn't want to tell Taichi that he was stalling because he was nervous about going up to the cash register to purchase condoms – where a _complete stranger_ was going to judge him for it. It was . . . embarrassing. And it was _normal_ to feel ashamed, wasn't it? He was seventeen, and this was the first time he was going to purchase condoms for sexual intercourse with his girlfriend.

And someone else was going to _know_ that.

"Well, in the meantime, you should probably grab some lube as well," Taichi interrupted Yamato's thoughts, grabbing a box of KY Jelly lubricant from the shelf. "This guy I play soccer with says he uses it sometimes when his girlfriend doesn't get wet enough." He paused awkwardly, as if realising what he was leading into. "So buy it in case . . . Sora doesn't . . . well, you know." He really did not want to say it. The thought of his childhood best friend getting wet for his other friend made him _shudder_.

Yamato's eyes narrowed slightly. Taichi wasn't being disrespectful or anything, but the idea of someone else thinking along a sexual line of thought in regards to his girlfriend just made him uncomfortable. He didn't like Taichi talking about Sora and that particular subject.

Fortunately, neither did Taichi. He shoved the KY Jelly into Yamato's hand and dropped the subject. "Now pick a condom," he commanded.

Yamato's eyes once again scanned the large array of condoms in front of him. There were so many options, and the amount of time he'd spent reading the small print on a bunch of them hadn't made him any closer to picking one. Maybe he should've researched this online.

"Dude, you're thinking way too much about this," Taichi groaned, getting a little impatient with his friend – even though this really had nothing to do with him. "This isn't a big deal. Just grab the one with the manliest packaging and let's go."

"What amazing advice," Yamato remarked sarcastically. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Taichi quipped, not missing a beat. His mouth then widened into a huge grin as his eyes landed on a black box with a photo of a horse on it. "Hey, how about this ego-boosting one?" he sniggered, grabbing it from the shelf and handing it to Yamato.

Yamato looked dubiously at the ridiculous packaging, but nevertheless perused the back of it for a few minutes – making Taichi sigh exasperatingly next to him. As he read it, though, he was surprised to find that Taichi actually hadn't made a bad choice at all – especially considering his friend had chosen it purely because he found the horse on the front amusing.

After Yamato finished reading, he returned the box of condoms back on its shelf – making Taichi open his mouth, about to protest – and grabbed the box next to it instead. It was the same brand, but a size up; instead of an image of a horse, it had an image of an elephant.

Taichi arched an eyebrow, before nodding his head in amusement – and with a hint of admiration. "Oh, right. You're part French."

Yamato just rolled his eyes. But despite finally having the item he came for, he made no motion to leave. "Do you . . . want me to pay for your toilet paper?" he offered his friend. "I can if you want."

Taichi looked at him suspiciously. "How nice of you . . ." His tone conveyed that he didn't buy Yamato wanting to be generous for no reason at all.

"All right, fine," Yamato sighed. "I just don't want to go up to the cash register with condoms and lube." He also felt better about it if Taichi was there at the register with him, just for . . . moral support. But he wasn't going to admit that to him.

"You think toilet paper is going to be enough of a diversion from what you're buying?" Taichi asked sceptically, with a snort.

"It's better than if it was just condoms and lube."

Taichi laughed. "Yamato, man, I think you need to let Sora do all the condom-shopping from this day on."

"Whatever," Yamato brushed him off dismissively. "So? Do you want free toilet paper or what?"

"Yeah, all right. I never turn down freebies."

The two boys finally left the condom aisle and made their way towards the cash register at the front of the store, where a little old lady greeted them.

"Hi, just these thanks," Yamato returned politely, putting down the box of condoms and lubricant, as Taichi also placed his pack of toilet paper down.

The lady behind the register smiled at them and rang up the items. Yamato managed to keep himself composed next to Taichi, feeling relieved that the cashier didn't seem to be judging him at all for his purchases. Maybe Taichi had been right – maybe he'd been making a big deal out of this for nothing.

"That comes to 3800 yen," the cashier informed him. Yamato handed over a 5000 yen note and accepted his change, as Taichi grabbed the bag. The lady watched them with a kind smile. "You boys have fun," she told them, before greeting the next customer in line.

"Thanks," Yamato replied automatically, though a little unsure as to what she meant exactly. He walked briskly towards the exit with Taichi in tow.

"Did you hear that?" Taichi asked him, as soon as they were out of the cashier's earshot. "She thinks we're a couple!" His tone was clearly amused.

"You're being ridiculous," Yamato retorted, as they made their way out of the convenience store.

"No, I'm not," Taichi insisted, barely containing his laughter. "You bought condoms and _lube_ and she totally thinks we're going home so I can top you!"

"What?" Yamato stopped dead in his tracks to look incredulously at his friend. "Who says _I'd_ be on the bottom?"

Taichi snorted. "Oh come on, between the two of us, no one's going to think _I'm_ on the bottom," he explained, as though that was the most obvious thing in the world. "So that leaves you."

"I'm _physically_ bigger than you," Yamato argued, his eyebrows furrowed.

"So? I'm more masculine than you," Taichi retorted, his lips forming into a smirk. "Face it, Ishida – you're _way_ too pretty to be seen as the top of any gay relationship."

Yamato shook his head in defeat, but a small smile played on his lips. "Whatever, man."

Taichi had helped him purchase condoms for his first time with Sora – he could allow his friend to think that he'd be on top in their imaginary gay relationship.

* * *

**End**

* * *

. . . Yamato really could've just gotten condoms from a vending machine. But this scenario is funnier, so I'm ignoring that fact. :P And, yes, it probably would've been funnier if I had made Taichi make that comment – but then that would also make Yamato incredibly stupid . . . and stupid the boy is not, so condom-dispensing vending machines simply do not exist in the world of this fic. ;)


End file.
